how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
