You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The air taste purple.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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