I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
