Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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