It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
