can u get pink eye on your cock?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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