I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
