it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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