I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
