Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
soo... how was my night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
