Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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