I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
