Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
