our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
