Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
