I wish I could teleport
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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