I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
