When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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