you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I won the penis lottery.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
