I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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