my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
