If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
