She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
