Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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