Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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