just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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