I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
