Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
