a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
PANTIES FOUND
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
