first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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