Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize