Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
