a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
