i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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