I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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