I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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