you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
