similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So squirting runs in the family.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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