oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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