oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
