trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
