my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Holy sore nipples Batman
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
