If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
