she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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