now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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