I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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