I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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