Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
