maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
