Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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