This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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