Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
