I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
