Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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