1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
