plz talk dirty to me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
