Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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