You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
