this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize