I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
