those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
