I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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