your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
