I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
