did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
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when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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