she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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