im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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