Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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