I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize