two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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