Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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