I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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