I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
