i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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