I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
