Who did Billy Mays play for?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
