i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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