Is it because I queefed?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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