Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
