And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
