I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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