Whod you bang
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You may now shotgun with the bride
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
