apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
