I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I party with great urgency now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
