Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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