oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
